"Ooh, is my hair alright in this wind ?"
"Cast off at the stern"
MP Mike and Drummer Dave looked bemused.
"The ropes you idiots, cast them off"
They bent down towards the mooring cleat in mutually supportive ignorance.
"But skipper, they`re all knotted".
"They`re meant to be you woozies. Undo the hitch knot"
The pair struggled cosmetically for a moment, pulling and then stroking the ropes and clearly at sea.
"Ahhhhh!"
Skipper Nick bounded from the helm.He pulled at the starboard rope and wound it in with an effortless ease. Holding this between his teeth he proceeded to do the same with the port-side rope, whilst keeping the boat on a steady course with his extended leg.
"Cooee,what about me?"
In the rush to leave port on the rising tide, Lord Haves had been left shore-side having absent-mindedly engaged a passing fisherman in a conversation about bait.
And so began the great adventure; to walk, cycle and boat across Scotland and back, in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. One experienced seaman, and four delinquent urbanites, all of whom should have known better.
Loch Ness ahead, and a welcoming bucket of Scottish air-water.
The main man at the helm
With abuse still ringing in their ears from the swing bridge operator at Tomnahurich
"You`ll have te be quicker than that gettin throo, yer chumps"
the crew passed on into the short expanse of Loch Dochfour, and then, within the hour into the big one itself-Loch Ness.There was a decent headwind buffeting the helm and the Macmillan Banners on either side of the boat,some white water, and even the odd squall of heavy rain.The skies were gloomy and even though the steady drum of the YES YES GERALDINE`S volvo engine echoed that of the `African Queen`, this was clearly no tropical paradise.
Yet it was hard not to be impressed with the magnificence of the scenery.Sheer valley sides rose from the loch shores, occasionally wooded,pitted with extensive scree, and topped with gorse, darkened heather and exposed coarse grassland. Above this, in the fading heights that surrounded, stood craggy glacial ridges and exposed bedrock,reaching some 1500 to 2,0000 feet.Most remarkable of all though was the overall shape of this feature in which we were the merest insignificant spot. It was so straight that even Roman road-builders would have been impressed.In better weather we would be able to see its full 10 mile length. Over 2 miles wide in parts, and deeper than the North Sea,this was definitely not the place and time to come face to face with `Nessie`;that would have to wait.
Lord Haves urgently applies himself to an assessment of berthing options at Urquhart Bay
After a two hour slog, the weather abated in time for berthing at the beautiful Urquhart Bay. With renewed and over-enthusiastic incompetence, the crew tied up alongside the distinctive search vessel,`Nessy Hunter`, and prepared for their first walking task; to navigate across the wetland nature reserve at Drumnadrochit, south of the bay, and on and up to Urquhart Castle,one of Scotlands most famous landmarks. Shipping magnate Ash James, a former associate fellow of the Geographical Society and a jobbing adventurer, took the lead. Three hours later and clearly lost, the group emerged from dense woodland close to the spot where they had entered, and sensibly decided to follow the A82 to the Castle entrance.Drummer Dave even tried to thumb a lift.
The undoubted historic delights of the Castle were by now far outweighed by the urgent need to use the wonderful `relief` facilities available there. Whilst the pleasant introductory film show was most informative about the pillage of the area and destruction of the building (it was the English wot did it !) time would not allow for too long a stay, and the group were soon out and back on the road to Drumnadrochit.
Urquhart Castle; 5 Star toilets and cafe.
Drummer Dave and MP Mike emerging from the slog across Urquhart Bay`s wooded nature reserve.
The tiny village is at the heart of the Nessie legend, with two Loch Ness visitor centres and over 30,000 visitors a year. In the 1930`s the owner of The Loch Ness Hotel claimed to have seen a monster out in the Bay, and since then there has been an amazing and completely coincidental rise in visitors to the area from across the world. Having failed to gain entrance to a `Shinty` training session, the crew re-grouped to discuss tactics at The Fiddlers Pub.
Blackpool comes to Drumnadrochit.
Shinty ground, home of legalised brutality with sticks.
"Hell, you look beat guys"
It was Richard, an incredibly fit-looking 79 year old from Cleveland, Ohio. He joined for some medication, whilst waiting for his bus to Inverness.
"What number is it;we`ll keep an eye out" said MP Mike.
"No idea bud, but I know it`s blue. Jeez, is that it...?"
A large removal van shot past.
"Only jokin guys"
In no time we learnt that he`d travelled the world, largely on his own, since retirement,and that he liked Barak Obama but couldn`t vote for him for reasons best left to the imagination. Usefully, he also told us how close you should let a potential Korean Communist approach before you shot him.
"In Korea, you didn`t know your friend from your enemy"
Shades of Iraq, half a century later.
Richard from Cleveland, Ohio, surrounded by crewmen from the Yes Yes Geraldine.
Richard was a real character, with views that were perhaps uncomfortable to some at times.Yet here he was, approaching his eigth decade, in the middle of nowhere, still expanding upon his horizons, full of bon-hommie and advice.
"You know guys, I lost my wife fifteen years ago from Cancer (we`d told him of the charity). I tell you,you can`t replace that. Enjoy life to the full, and share it with someone else. Try not to be alone"
And then with regrets we were off, better for the meeting, leaving him alone with himself oncemore.
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