"Where`s the biscuits?" asked Drummer Dave, trying to do his bit to finish off the supplies.
"Really wobbled last night, you know", groaned Lord Haves, "and those Fenders kept making squeaking noises as well. I found it impossible to sleep."
"Fender?" asked Ships Magnate Ash.
The other three looked at him.
"Isn`t that a guitar?"
The Skipper closed his eyes.
"I think actually you`ll find they`re those rubber sponge thingies we hang over the side when we come into port", said Drummer Dave, attempting once more to sassy up to the Skip, "you know, stops us bashing against stuff".
"Oh them. I thought they were life bouys".
The plan was to sail on the afternoon tide, so one more mountain challenge remained; a ten mile hike up and around Meall na h-Eilrig, to the north of the harbour and the village of Drumnadrochit.
You too might look like this, one day
An early start was called for, and by 10 am, the group had circumnavigated the summit, and were in the tiny crofting hamlet of Achpopuli, trying to assess the best route back.
View over Loch Ness from half way up Meall Na h-Eilrig
It`s a long way down
By luck,one of the two crofters who lived there was working on his holding.
"Morning", said Skipper Nick, "is this the best route to Loch Glanich, and on to Drumnadrochit?". He pointed to his map. The Crofter ignored him.
"Let me have a go" said Lord Haves.
"Morning dear Sir. Could you kindly point out the footpath back to the bay?"
The Crofter looked at Lord Haves, and then turned his back.
"Could have been a burglar", said Drummer Dave, "thought we were the cops"
"Maybe he`s German", suggested Magnate Ash, somehat desperately.
"German my arse" said Skipper Nick, "he`s just ignorant"
A young Marxist on the long march.
The crew left the Crofter to his isolate ways, and passed through a broken gate next to his barn and onto the moorland, following what they assumed to be the footpath.
"Funny bloke", said Drummer Dave.
"Yeah, deliberately unhelpful if you ask me", said Skipper Nick.
"Doesn`t want us on the moor".
Within fifty metres the Skippers analysis was borne out. Yet again, freshly planted conifer saplings were rooted at regular intervals along the poorly delineated path, in a clear attempt to confuse, distract and ultimately, hide the right of way.The message was plain and clear. You`re not welcome here.
"Cor, I`m really enjoying this", said Drummer Dave, ignoring the signals, as he bounced and rolled his way through the heather and on toward the Loch.
"Listen, it`s a cuckoo" he trilled.
"Yeah, and it`s speaking right now", said Lord Haves.
Two men,alone and lost
Onwards and past the eventually located Loch pressed the crew, although the walk and climb had taken longer than expected.A rapid descent was called for if they were to catch the afternoon tide, and so they stumbled into a mazy, old-man jog. It was downhill all the way.
INFORMATION
The crew followed The Great Glen Way around Urquhart Bay and then north-eastwards up through dense coniferous woodland to Corryfoyness, a hamlet at the foot of Meall na h-Eilrig. They then cut north-westwards to the crofts at Achpopuli, before returning south, past the upland Loch Glanadh, and down through Actuie and Lower Drumbuie, back to the boat. A distance of 10 miles, and 3,000 foot of ascent and descent.
Once on board and with engines fired to maximum, they spurted from the harbour and out for the last time onto Loch Ness, heading north-east for their final destination-Inverness Docks.
"Perhaps we should berth out in the loch tonight" said Lord Haves,still nervous at the prospect of a visit from the extended family of the court-bound girls.
"No, they`ll have learnt their lesson", said Drummer Dave,"and anyway, who`d mess with me?".He had a point.
There was a certain irony as the final few miles of splendid sailing isolation were disturbed by the muted wailing sounds coming from `Rock Ness`, a 35,000 audience Festival on fields just outside the tiny village of Dores, in the north-east corner of the Loch.Razorlight were top of the bill, and were thrashing through `Stumble And Fall` when Lord Haves piped up, betraying a radical former-life;
"I much prefer Tom Paxton and Julie Felix"
"Did you know that I played with Judas Priest ?", said Drummer Dave.
"Filthy so and so", replied Skipper Nick, " Go wash your mouth out".
"Scottish ceilidh album anyone?", inquired Ship Magnate Ash, hoping to find some middle-ground.
And so it was that later that evening and with all speakers blazing to the `Flower Of Scotland` that the YES YES GERALDINE pulled up triumphantly to her berth in Inverness, job done.
Lord Haves, weakened by scurvy and a diet of kelp, ties his last knot.
Following a morale-boosting visit to The Clacknharry Inn, and a stunning Moray Firth sunset, the crew dragged themselves back to their vessel, now resting serenely next to the welcome toilet and shower block.Ships Magnate Ash was the first to fall asleep.
"Skip, skip, these knots; I can`t get `em loose" he muttered in an unconscious blather.
In the galley, two of the crew were busying themselves.
"Want me to pack your bags for the airport?" shouted Drummer Dave, still trying to ingratiate himself with the ships number one.
"Now when I was a Postman in Stoke....." said Lord Haves, to no-one in particular.
Skipper Nick closed his cabin door, and turned out the light.
"What a crew", he thought to himself, "oh what a crew"
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